Living with Fibromyalgia: Pain, Missed Meditation, and Art

The Heart of Practicing Art

Living with fibromyalgia on a daily basis feels to me like a continuous throbbing pressure emanating from the inside out across my entire body. It is somewhat like what I imagine would happen in a vacuum or in space—an intense build-up of force—but the explosion never comes. Alongside this constant pressure, I experience strange sensations caused by constricted fascia, and several times throughout the day I am overwhelmed by a profound bodily fatigue, as though every muscle has exhausted its strength. This deep exhaustion is unpredictable and can disrupt even the most basic activities.

Chronic pain inevitably affects my emotional and mental state, often correlating with feelings of depression, irritability, and detachment. To combat these challenges, I turn to nature, spending time in my backyard where the natural world helps ground me. I also find comfort and joy in petting and grooming my Chow Chow, Blaze, which encourages the release of oxytocin and fosters a sense of connection. Making art and writing, even if it is “bad” poetry or prose, serves as a valuable emotional outlet that helps me regulate my feelings. Staying connected with family and friends through meetups, messaging, social media, and phone calls is essential to maintaining my emotional well-being. In addition, I incorporate prayer, meditation, and audiobooks into my daily routine, all of which contribute to a holistic approach to coping with chronic pain.

Before missing a guided meditation session led by Stacy Rake Murphy, I was looking forward to it as I have really enjoyed these sessions in the past and commit to joining at least once a month. The sessions represent more than meditation—they are an opportunity to receive a blessing from a friend, to meet new people, and most importantly, to connect to my inner self with joy and acceptance. Missing a session was not an easy decision, but it was necessary for me to reset my body by increasing my REM and deep sleep. The night before I informed Stacy that attendance might not be possible because I felt out of balance. When I woke around 5:00 am, I took my medications, listened to “Southern Man” by Gregg Iles, relaxed, ate breakfast, and returned to a more restful sleep for several more hours. This rest allowed me to feel more balanced in the afternoon, and I was even able to create a small watercolor for the upcoming Sherman Art League Show. This experience reinforced the importance of listening to my body’s needs even if it means missing routines that normally benefit me.

There is a clear and powerful connection between pain and my need for meditation or relaxation techniques. Any activity or emotion I would describe as “agitating” causes my pain and discomfort to escalate—from a low vibratory hum to heightened states of pressure, numbness, burning, or sharp nerve pain. This makes relaxation and mindfulness practices not merely beneficial but crucial for managing pain levels effectively.

Art plays a vital role in how I cope with and express my experience of chronic pain. Creating art must generate pain-relieving and warm emotional brain chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. When I can paint my way forward through discomfort, I experience relief. Art becomes a form of emotional self-regulation that fosters relaxation and focus both inside and outside of my body. This is reflected in my work—the more pain I feel, the simpler and less painterly my art becomes. In contrast, when my body, mind, and soul align and I am feeling better, my art is more complex and aesthetically nuanced, indicating higher brain functioning and a richer creative engagement.

During periods with more severe fibromyalgia symptoms, I focus on work in my Art Sketchbook Journal. These pieces typically create a sense of peace through their simplicity: color washes, simple figures, organic shapes, and the use of lime tones become the focal point. These elements help soothe my spirit and provide a calm visual refuge during difficult times.

There have been specific moments tied directly to my pain that inspire my artwork. For example, I created two figurative studies that illustrate the pain I endured prior to having a synovial cyst excised and undergoing fusion surgery on my L4 and L5 vertebrae. These pieces capture the intensity of physical suffering and serve as personal documentation of my journey.

Physically and emotionally, when I am engaged in my art practice or attending to the business side of my creative work, I often feel motivated, accomplished, and at peace with myself. In these moments, my inner and outer selves are aligned, offering a sense of harmony and purpose that contrasts with the usual chaos of chronic pain.

Creativity for me is synonymous with joyfulness. I experience it as a mountain top experience—an alignment with the divine. It is through creativity that I find transcendent moments that elevate me above the day-to-day struggle of living with chronic pain.

My hope is that others will understand or relate to my experience through my writing and art by feeling calm and peace. Despite the chaos and destruction that exist in the universe—part of the sacred cycles of creation—there is profound beauty in the natural flow of life and death. We often forget that we are made of stardust and will return to that state, and recognizing this fact can bring comfort. I want my art to remind viewers that we are part of that beauty, and in embracing it, we should strive to create more beauty for humanity.

The message I want to convey about fibromyalgia and chronic pain through this project is that I am who I am in this particular place and time, shaped and defined by my experiences. By focusing on creation, beauty, wonder, and the sacred cycles, I create moments of joy and peace, embodying the most human I can be. Sharing this truth is important to me while I have the opportunity.

Recently, I have experienced a breakthrough through a year of daily artwork, writing, and sharing my work. This dedication restored my artist’s soulfulness and sensibility, reaffirming my connection to creativity as a vital part of my health and well-being.

Community and support systems are indispensable in my experience with fibromyalgia and creativity. Connection with others is necessary for communication, sharing, receiving, and fulfilling our best potential. It is through this network that I gain strength and encouragement.

Balancing managing my pain while pursuing creative passions is a daily act of adjustment. I strive to balance creativity, movement, and rest so that I can do my best each day as it comes. This dynamic balance allows me to continue creating, healing, and living fully even in the presence of chronic pain.

Gratefully yours

Ruth Elizabeth Nuckols Cox Williamson